Transforming social gender norms can begin by facilitating dialogue on gender roles that are deeply embedded in social practice, studies from 97 communities across 20 countries found that such norms tend to shift through ongoing dialogue and changes in everyday practices.
Our journey on the opening conversation about social gender norms in the community started with community facilitator training across Brebes, Serang, Garut, and East Lombok. The community facilitators are people chosen not because they are experts, but as trusted community members with a genuine desire to spark change.
In these trainings, community facilitators learned the foundations of social gender norms, including power relations, social expectations of men and women, healthy communication, parenting, and many more. They practiced guiding sensitive discussions, holding space without judgment, and speaking confidently about issues that once felt too private or too culturally sensitive to question.
These community discussions are implemented by the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) Indonesia through the Women at the Center – Perempuan Indonesia Hidup Tanpa Kekerasan (PIHAK) project, supported by Takeda Pharmaceutical Company Ltd, in collaboration with Yayasan Pulih and local implementation partners: Legal Aid and Education Foundation (BAKUMDIK) in Serang, Partnered-Human Resources Development Institute (LPSDM) in East Lombok, and Fatayat Nahdlatul Ulama (Fatayat NU) in Brebes and Garut.
When the sessions began, community facilitators led two separate groups: adolescents and young people in one, and parents and adults in the other. Although the topics were the same, each group brought different perspectives, engaging with a mix of curiosity and hesitation. During the UNFPA Indonesia and Yayasan Pulih visits in October–November 2025, we observed the discussions, listened to participants, and gathered their experiences and stories. Across these sessions, we witnessed breakthroughs, moments of doubt, and quiet expressions of hope. Here are their stories.
From Not Knowing to Becoming a Guardian of His Village’s Children
I learned how to help families support their children to stay in school and grow well.
- Muhrim
When Muhrim, the head of one of the districts in East Lombok, first joined the community sessions, he didn’t know what the programme was about. He attended only because he was invited. “At first, I didn’t know anything,” he said. “But the more I joined, the more I enjoyed it and felt the benefits for myself and surroundings.”
Through the discussions, he realized that issues he had long seen as “normal,” especially child marriage, were deeply harmful. “Before, I didn’t understand. After joining the program, I became aware.” Among all topics, parenting resonated the most. “The parenting topic was my favorite,” he said. “I learned how to help families support their children to stay in school and grow well.”
He described the sessions as comforting and liberating. When asked to sum up the experience, he answered simply: “Very enjoyable and insightful”. He appreciated the safe space where participants could share openly. “People could release their feelings, and we found solutions together,” he added.
Muhrim’s defining moment came when he heard about a planned child marriage in his hamlet. Previously, he would not have involved himself, but this time he felt responsible. He visited the family, calmly explained the risks, and encouraged them to reconsider. Something unexpected happened: other community members joined him. “People came to support me,” he recalled. “In the past, if we tried to stop a child marriage, we were pushed aside. But this time, the community supported me.” Together, they prevented the child marriage.
Villagers now report suspected cases directly to him, and the Village Head reinforces prevention messages through mosque announcements. “Yes, people started reporting cases to me,” he said. “Not because they were afraid, but because they cared.”
From uncertainty to leadership, Muhrim has become a visible protector of children’s rights — a reminder that change often begins with humility, listening, and the courage to act.
Teaching With Empathy: A Father, Teacher, and Community Member Redefining Strength
In society, there’s still a belief that men must always work harder and are not equal to women,
- Surya
Surya, a teacher at one high school in Garut, joined the adult sessions voluntarily because he works closely with adolescents every day. “Many adolescent problems appear at school,” he explained. He was convinced that the materials would help him in class. “The materials are excellent for use in the classroom.”
The programme challenged long-standing beliefs around masculinity. “In society, there’s still a belief that men must always work harder and are not equal to women,” he said. But he sees fatherhood and teaching differently: “Men also need a feminine side, especially when raising children with positive communication and gentle parenting.”
The most profound shift for him emerged from the session on healthy communication. “I finally understand what healthy communication truly looks like,” he shared. Putting these approaches into practice in his classroom created space for students to open up. “Many students eventually dared to confide in me, their problems, their dreams—things they simply cannot share with their parents.”
When asked to describe his experience, he chose one powerful phrase: “Inspiration to promote equality at home and at school.” These words now guide his teaching, his parenting, and the way he engages with his community.
Guiding With Courage: A Young Facilitator Breaking Cycles of Silence in Brebes
When I can share joy and be useful for others, that is enough for me.
- Silvi
Silvi is a third-semester nursing student and member of the Forum Genre - a youth platform initiated by the Ministry of Population and Family Development (Kemendukbangga) for adolescents aged 10–24 to support and to prepare them for their future by planning their education, career, health, and family life. She joined the facilitator training because she was assigned by her organisation, but she stayed because she saw how urgently the programme was needed. At first, she questioned why the activities were placed in Rengas Pendawa and Adisana village. “At first I wondered why these areas were chosen,” she said. After learning that the two villages had some of the highest recorded cases of violence against women, the purpose became clear. “So this training is not just theory, it is genuinely needed here.”
Among the 12 sessions, the discussion on women in patriarchal culture had the deepest impact. “For me, this session captured the essence of all the others,” she explained. It covered gender-based violence, stereotypes of women as weak, and how femininity should not be equated with passivity. During adolescent sessions, many participants confided in her. “Many friends opened up to me about family pressures, school bullying, or how strong patriarchy still is at home.”
She hopes to continue learning, particularly through deeper discussions with psychosocial experts. For her, the greatest reward is witnessing others change for the better. “When I can share joy and be useful for others, that is enough for me.”
Moreover, Silvi believes that gender education has a lasting impact. When young people learn about equality early on, they grow into parents who create homes free from violence and harmful norms. As she puts it: “Every woman has the right to define her own ‘destiny’ and make decisions for her own path.”
Finding Her Voice: A Young Woman Challenging Fear and Patriarchy in Serang
The topic of women in patriarchal culture felt the most relevant, -
Widya
Widya, a nursing student in Serang, joined the programme because conversations about gender were almost nonexistent in her community. “It’s so rare to find a forum that discusses women, gender, or power relations,” she said. She grew up hearing limiting messages like, “Women don’t need higher education because they’ll end up at home anyway.” She came to the programme determined to challenge such beliefs.
The session on patriarchy resonated most strongly. “The topic of women in patriarchal culture felt the most relevant,” she explained, pointing out how many girls were taught to stay quiet. “Many girls are shy and unable to express their emotions. and their thoughts”. She also observed a growing fear among her peers: “Many Gen Z friends are now afraid of marriage because of stories about violence and infidelity.”
Although naturally confident, Widya now uses her voice to uplift others. “Many of my friends are introverted and afraid to speak. Now I encourage them—ask questions, share opinions, everyone deserves to have a voice.” She also challenges stereotypes in her campus environment. “It’s totally fine if the class leader is a girl. I used to be one, and I could do it.”
Widya’s experience illustrates how dialogue and reflection build not only awareness but a modality by empowering young women to take space, speak boldly, and challenge long-standing biases.
Small Shifts, Real Change
Change rarely arrives loudly. It shows in small gestures: a boy comforting a crying friend, a mother asking what her daughter truly wants, a father admitting he doesn’t always have the answers.
These quiet moments prove that change is taking root. For many facilitators and participants, the discussions were not an end, but a beginning showing how honest conversation softens hardened beliefs, how empathy rebuilds trust, and how awareness protects that once unseen.
The work continues—in living rooms, schools, and community halls across Brebes, Serang, Garut, and East Lombok. People gather not out of obligation, but because they want life to be kinder, safer, and more inclusive for the next generation.
Eka Gona Putri
Communications Consultant, Women at the Center - Perempuan Indonesia Hidup Tanpa Kekerasan (PIHAK), UNFPA Indonesia
